In which we celebrate a very Christiany holiday in a very Pagany fashion.

It's now time to take a little time to go back in time to this one time once upon a time when it was almost Easter and the world was aflame and the good pyromaniacs of the world rejoiced. If you have time, that is.

Some people celebrate Easter in a lily-scented church all gussied up for the resurrection. Some people celebrate Easter with delicious spreads and hardcore, multilingual scavenger hunts through the forests of Connecticut with family and adopted family on a quest for a Golden Egg. Some people celebrate Easter by stealthily wrapping up the house in string attached to shiny grass and goody-filled baskets, only to wake a few hours later to find that the housecats had very, very solidly foiled the plans of the Easter Spider and had had a wonderfully tangled time of it, too. Some people celebrate Easter by dangling plastic, brightly colored eggs from tree branches and enjoying the sight of them hopping in the breeze while cosily devouring rabbits squelched into chocolate molds from the comfort of their bunny slippers. Many Germans fall into this category.

However, many Germans also fall into the next category, being the category of people who celebrate Easter by pyramiding up all the old Christmas trees still loitering on street corners, as well as whatever other dry wood they can find, safely securing a humanoid straw figure atop the pyre o' woody booty, then gathering the neighborhood supply of neighbors and cute neighbor children and booze and burning that sucker to the ground. (Of course, I am well aware that this category also corresponds perfectly to, say, the first category, and in fact they could well be one and the same.)

Hamburg takes part in the Osterfeuer tradition bigtime. Many different neighborhoods have their own bonfire, the largest and most scenic of which can be found on the long, blonde, sandy beaches of Blankenese, which separate the Super Swanky Staircasey Posh Upon a Hill from the industrial, harborifically waving waters of the Elbe River. People from all over gather at sundown, armed with tinder, beer, good cheer, and meat on sticks. Other folks gather from across the mistygray waterway and can be seen aboard their various vessels docked softly in the settling dusk. Eventually the sun skips out of the sky to spark the bonfires in a big, flamebuoyant sort of way. Observe:

Wikipedia tells me that the Osterfeuer tradition is linked to that of the pastoral flame (ha, just googled "pastoral fire" and one of the first links on the list was "How to Fire Your Pastor"), ie. of bringing the light of the world back to the world and all that Totally Rad Action. Continuing along down the paragraph, Wiki tells me that Easter fires are also symbolic for burning winter away, inviting new growth, and hope for a good harvest. In many places, the ashes of the Osterfeuer were later spread across fields, thus giving the vegetables a tasty, pre-grilled flavor without having to go through the gruntwork of cleaning the grill afterward.

Of course, winter isn't the only symbol to find its smokin' hot demise amidst these sparkly flames. In many places (ie. Bavaria, quoth the Wiki), these bonfires are actually called various renditions of "Judasfeuer", meaning "Judas Burning(s)". Hence the hooded straw Menschen, so I suppose. The whole thing looked a little too triple K for my comfort, though I can't say I particularly felt any inclination to scale the pyramid and free the Judas from his impending doom either.

As this was Germany, there was naturally a lot of Bier involved, as well as Glühwein, hot chocolate with or without Rum, Wurst, and in my case, a fresh hot crêpe oozing with Kinder... Schokolade. Noms to the maxx while holding a chilly Easter Vigil.

And aaaaaaaas this was Hamburg, there was naturally a ginormous cruise ship involved. I can't say a massive, several-thousand-nightclubbing-person-carrying ocean liner was what I expected to come honking down the river while observing a several-thousand-year-old tradition, but I can't say I was surprised either.

On the subject of cruise ships, we haven't had any excellent mistranslations from my work in a while-- let's fix that right now! Ahem.

3.  For health-conscious the 'Spa Carnival Menus' are offered – a light and healthy diversion. Besides the 24-hour pizza and soft ice offer, also a sushi bar is onboard.

2.  [In cabin descriptions:] The comfortable and lovingly equipment is created with attention to details.

1.  Sports lovers are at best preserved in the fitness centre.

I've got still got a few better gems up my sleeve to whip out at a warmer date. Just you wait.

Righto, back to the past! There was beach, there was fire, there were revellers, there were resurrections, and eventually there was enough cold in my bones to send me trekking back up the many twisty, twirly staircases upon that Very Posh Hill in the direction of my bus and my bed. All was quiet, the air smelled freshly of saltwater and burning Judases, and I smiled my way into sleep with the sweet expectation of a sky full o' church bells on the coming morn.

(...Blastoff!

The (ship name) embodies relaxation, fun and entertainment for the whole family. Let the unique atmosphere seduce you.

That's right-- fun and seduction for the WHOLE FAMILY!)